“I can’t do it!”, she screamed out loud as she fell across the top of her bed.
“I just do not want to do it!”, she screamed aloud as the tears came down her face.
She sat there wiping her face with her favorite white plush blanket trying to push away the thoughts of fear and uncertainty that was now overtaking her mind.
“Why do you want me to go that way…I thought that you said that you would take care of me, I just don’t understand?!” she softly uttered through her soft sobs.
While she laid there trying to understand, she heard a still small voice whisper into her heart saying: “You are my child, do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for I will never leave you nor forsake you.” This statement though delivered in such a small voice was so powerful that it made every doubt in her heart begin to wither away.
“Don’t drown in your tears and don’t drown due to your fear, remember that you were created to walk on water and because you are my daughter, no weapon formed against you will prosper. Trust me, remember that those who trust in me, shall never be put to shame.”
Those words slowly begin to circle through her mind and offer her some of the courage that she needed to accept the words that was just spoken to her 20 minutes prior.
The tears stopped; the fear that she so strongly felt, began to subside and for some reason, she begin to feel a powerful sense of hope and her lips curled up into a smile.
She sat up in the bed, looked at her now tear stained white plush blanket, and started to laugh out loud. Her laugh billowed loudly off the walls of the small room and to her it felt like the laugh removed some of the worry that had caused the tears.
As she sat there laughing and laughing, she started to remind herself of who she was and WHOSE she was.
“Girl, what are you afraid of, you know that you won’t drown!”, she kept saying this over and over until she believed it. Finally after the 5th time of saying it, she was able to walk to her mirror and she looked into the mirror, stood straight, fixed her braids, held up head up, and said:
“You wont drown girl, you asked God to make a way for you, you asked him to open up doors for you and to make the crooked path straight and he did. Just because you have been called to move across country to a new state, away from your family and friends, doesn’t mean that your life is over. Yeah, you will have to finally end that ‘dead end’ relationship that you have been trying to hold on to knowing that it was a waste of your time, and yeah you will not be able to always run to your parents home when things get tough, and you will miss hanging with your friends, but you have a job promotion making double of what you were making before and they are providing everything for you, everything…new town-home, car, benefits, and moving assistance, so why are you acting like this is the worst thing ever, when God is giving you what you want? You almost let your fear come in and bind you up, it was trying to stop you from celebrating the victory that God granted you. Girl, get yourself ready for this next level and don’t you forget that you won’t drown, let’s do this.”
After speaking this to herself, she felt confident, happy, and full of hope, because she realized that God had answered her prayers to take her into places that she had never been so that she could be a light of hope & inspiration to others. The issue was that she thought that God would answer her prayer according to how she wanted things to be, but she remembered that her dad would always say: ‘God’s thoughts are higher than ours and his ways are not our ways, just trust that he will keep you.’ Just trust him is what she kept repeating to herself as she washed her face, found her phone and dialed the number to her parents home to let them know about the awesomeness of God working in her life.
You may have been in a situation like this one or similar to this one where God answered your prayers, but not on the terms that you wanted it to be answered on. God may have given you direction on what to do and where to go and you have been holding back due to fear, doubt, or just laziness, but I want you to understand something: Obedience is better than sacrifice. Your disobedience may be causing sickness, depression, lack, and other things to overwhelm you. Just because the door that God opened up for you seems scary now, you still have to walk through it. Just because the water looks to cold and deep to jump into, you still have to jump into it, especially if God has commanded you to. His words say if you love him, you will keep his commandments.
So, take a deep breath, close your eyes if you have to, and jump all the way into your promise, go ahead girl, jump, YOU WON’T DROWN!
Pray with me: Father, thank you for answering my prayers. Thank you for never leaving my side and for walking alongside of me all this time. Sometimes, making a decision to trust you is scary, because I do not know what is before me. I know that you promised to keep me and to protect me per your word, but I am human still and walking into the unknown brings forth uncertainty and fear in my heart. I know you as my protector, provider, healer, and a way maker, so forgive me if I have doubted you and have held myself back from doing what you have called me to do. I believe, but help my unbelief. I am asking you to strengthen me as I take this leap and jump into your promise that you have manifested for me on this earth. Help me to never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God. Jesus, thank you for loving and caring for me. It is in your name that I pray this, Amen.